Trump on the stump?

My old friend, comb-over king Donald Trump, says he's considering running for President after some poll was apparently conducted in New Hampshire testing out his name.

My bet is this is a publicity stunt for some television show or new business, but I'm half hoping it's real - it will be an absolute hoot!

As I occasionally enjoy pointing out, the Donald's views on the Italians and Chinese are somewhat uncompromising (so foreign policy should be interesting), while I particularly look forward to him courting the female vote, where he's shown some form before.

In January last year after the death of John Travolta and Kelly Preston's son, Jett, Trump paid tribute to the family by blogging how he once tried to bed the mother of the dead boy.

"My track record on this subject has always been outstanding, but Kelly wouldn’t give me the time of day," he movingly recalled at the time. Can the Donald really be the Republicans' Trump card?

Trump hump

I see that (as, almost, predicted) Donald Trump's honorary degree is not going down well. Who'd have thought it?

Donald's cheques and balances

Donald Trump, a man who's never knowingly suffered from self-effacement, reveals his management secrets on his blog: "I like signing my own cheques and not pressing a computer button," he muses. "I have many friends who press computer buttons and often times they end up going out of business."

If only avoiding business disaster was that easy. The Donald's businesses, of course, are no stranger to bankruptcy.

Champions Trumped

Here's a great new competition from my favourite comedy business site - the blog penned by property tycoon Donald Trump in the style of David Brent.

"My latest book is called Think Like a Champion, and if you haven’t read it yet, I would recommend that you do so as soon as possible," Trump begins modestly. "These are challenging times and all of us need to have as much training as possible to get through the race that lies ahead."
"I have signed some of my books for the purpose of sending a few out to those of you who can tell me why you think you’re a champion--and why you deserve to be singled out. No doubt a lot of you are worthy, and the fact that you are furthering your education is an obvious sign to me."

My entry has yet to be approved by the Trump Blog moderator, but I'm hopeful:

Dear The Donald,
I'm confused by your competition.
Why are you giving copies of your book, Think Like a Champion, to people who write to tell you that they are already champions? Surely it would be more logical to send them to people like me, who are less self-regarding.
I'll take my copy unsigned please.
Best regards,
SB

Ivana and Marla get trumped

More on Donald Trump's attempts to bed Mrs John Travolta, Kelly Preston.
As the property tycoon's touching tribute to Preston's dead son, Jett, explains: "A long time ago, before I was married, I met Kelly Preston at a club and worked like hell to try and pick her up."
For some reason Preston preferred the affections of her husband, causing the Donald to gush: "Being true to someone is very close to being true to yourself. That’s a valuable attribute in today’s world."
Trump should know. His first marriage to Ivana ended in 1991, after rumors began to circulate that he was having an affair with a former beauty queen from Georgia, Marla Maples. While the Trump family was on holiday in Aspen, Ivana confronted Maples on the ski slopes, Ivana and Donald divorced and Maples went on to become the second Mrs Trump.
That marriage didn't last either, and DT is now on his third wife, Melania.

In the blue corner ... Martin Waller

Another day, and another SlackBelly yarn is followed up by The Times. This time it is the paper's City Diary which loved yesterday's Donald Trump tale so much, that it simply claimed it for itself.
However, I can only believe that this episiode was an aberration by veteran Times Diarist, Martin Waller - a man known for his sarcastic emails to juniors on rival columns whenever they follow one of his stories.

Donald's message trumps all others

How does Donald Trump pay his respects when a teenager dies? By telling the world a tale about how he once tried to bang the dead boy's mother, of course!
Here's the improbably coiffeured property tycoon, writing on his blog about the death of John Travolta's and Kelly Preston's son, Jett.
"I have always respected people who were loyal and faithful--which brings to mind Kelly Preston. A long time ago, before I was married, I met Kelly Preston at a club and worked like hell to try and pick her up. She was beautiful, personable, and definitely had allure. At the time I had no idea she was married to John Travolta."
"In any event, my track record on this subject has always been outstanding, but Kelly wouldn’t give me the time of day. She was very nice, very elegant, but I didn’t have a chance with her, and that was that."
"When I later found out she was married to John, I liked and respected her even more. Some people have values that matter to them, and she is one of them. Her loyalty was unwavering and I have always remembered that about her."
"Being true to someone is very close to being true to yourself. That’s a valuable attribute in today’s world. I’m sure she was a wonderful mother to Jett and my thoughts are with her and her family after their terrible loss."
A touching tribute.